So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
