Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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