I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh god it's open bar.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
