Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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