in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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