I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
