I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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