This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So drunk its hurt
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
