Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Everyone says I win the strip club
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
