I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
