Pregnant stripper...not hot.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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