i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
