Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
