I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
