me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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