I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
