still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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