well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
