Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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