She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
