did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
