I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
