Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
