Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
