I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Operation Purity has been aborted
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
