is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
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