Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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