11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
