so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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