Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
