why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
