Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we're making bets on your personal life
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
