idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
