lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
