I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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