Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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