If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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