why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
