drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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