I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just blew my weed a kiss
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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