I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Randomize
