I think I am morally bankrupt
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
