I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize