god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
