i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm like, not good at living.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
