I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
