That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize