Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
