We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
