Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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