what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Even my vagina gasped.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
