He told me they were just razor bumps!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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