you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
