scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
