you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
