I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize