We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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