did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
