East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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