Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
