Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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