In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
