We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
