can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
