Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
His nipple licking is glorious
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