Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
