Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
