Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
