I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize